Last Thoughts on Marriage: Marriage In Troubled Times

Last Thoughts: Marriage In Troubled Times

1^st Corinthians 7:25-30

²⁵ Now concerning virgins I have no commandment of the Lord: yet I give my judgment, as one that hath obtained mercy of the Lord to be faithful. ²⁶ I suppose therefore that this is good for the present distress, I say, that it is good for a man so to be. ²⁷ Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife.

²⁸ But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you. ²⁹ But this I say, brethren, the time is short: it remaineth, that both they that have wives be as though they had none;

³⁰ And they that weep, as though they wept not; and they that rejoice, as though they rejoiced not; and they that buy, as though they possessed not; ³¹ And they that use this world, as not abusing it: for the fashion of this world passeth away.

1st Corinthians 7:31-40

³² But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: ³³ But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife. ³⁴ There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.

³⁵ And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction. ³⁶ But if any man think that he behaveth himself uncomely toward his virgin, if she pass the flower of her age, and need so require, let him do what he will, he sinneth not: let them marry.

³⁷ Nevertheless he that standeth stedfast in his heart, having no necessity, but hath power over his own will, and hath so decreed in his heart that he will keep his virgin, doeth well. ³⁸ So then he that giveth her in marriage doeth well; but he that giveth her not in marriage doeth better.

³⁹ The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord. ⁴⁰ But she is happier if she so abide, after my judgment: and I think also that I have the Spirit of God.

Introduction: What is Paul saying about Marriage, here?

We always want to compare scripture with scripture; We saw earlier that God ordained marriage in Genesis 2:24. God blesses it still today, (Hebrews 13:4. ) We also see that it is a picture of the relationship between Christ and the Church, in Ephesians 5:31, 32. In fact, in verse two of this same chapter, Paul said “Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.” Paul already gave full approval!

So, then, why does it seem that Paul now suggests that “believers are better off to stay single?” Is that even the point of the context?

Notice that, in verse 26, Paul prefaces the entire following passage with the phrase, “…this is good for the present distress…” (WHAT “present distress?” What does he mean?)

Temporary Distress Can Temporarily Change our Priorities.

When all is well in a transoceanic flight, the passengers may care about which in-flight meal they are to receive. They may be slightly concerned with what in-flight video is offered. But if an engine seems to be failing, no one cares about the “comfort” issues for the moment! They are only concerned with survival. For the immediate future, their priorities have changed!

In Matthew 24:19 Jesus said that a time will come , during the great tribulation, when to be pregnant or to be a nursing mother will be a very dangerous thing. The “present distress” of that time will be the trauma of the Great Tribulation.

The “present distress” in Corinth (at that time) was that the Temple of Aphrodite was the center of their civilization. It was on the highest peak of the city, and it dominated the skyline from any part of the city. At that time, (according to Encyclopedia Britannica,) it boasted a staff of 10,000 temple prostitutes, both male and female. It attracted people from all over . It was almost certainly a “trading house” for every kind of disease, as well as the gross immorality involved.

How Did This Become Such a Problem?

There was a very narrow, low isthmus at Corinth, between the Aegean Sea and the Adriatic Sea. They used teams of Oxen to hauil ships out on log rollers. It was cheaper and safer to drag ships across the isthmus than to sail around the coast. So, most trading ships stopped there, just for economy and safety in their travels.

And, naturally, their crews often took a port-liberty while the ship was being transported across the neck of land. Sailors from all over the known world came up from the port area, walking through the city to approach the Temple of Aphrodite and everything it entailed. Whatever diseases they brought with them were also spread there in Corinth, to be passed along to anyone else who practiced this sin.

This was the depraved society into which the fledgling church at Corinth had been born. There, in the midst of them, was the biggest “house of ill repute” in history, and it enjoyed the full approval of everyone except these born-again children of God.

They had become outcasts within their own society, but Paul did NOT tell them to “pack up and leave town:” Paul told them to live holy lives, separated from the wickedness of the world.

So, then, within the context of that situation, we address the continued question about marriage.

**Under What Circumstances Might Marriage Be a “Bad Idea?”**

Paul suggests that under the circumstances the Corinthian believers were enduring, marriage might be a questionable option. In a culture so soaked in immorality and (probably) sexually transmitted diseases, how likely are you to find a “safe” marriage prospect? And how likely is your spouse to share your desire to live for the Lord?

Paul has already shown that, in general, marriage is a good idea, because it provides a moral, legal, and safe outlet for normal, God-given human desires. And in other places, as we said earlier, he confirms that marriage was God’s plan before sin entered the world. It was and is a holy gift from a Holy God.

But, he now says that because of the corruption of the human race, we need to think carefully before we plunge into marriage. He hastens to tell us that, regardless of the “present distress” it is not a sin to marry. He warns, though, that it will not be an easy life: There will be heartaches and hazards, along the way.

In What Way Does Marriage Change Our Walk with God?

In my case, marriage has absolutely enhanced my walk with God. My wife is my very best friend and companion and my very best help in all things, including my spiritual life.

However, I remember that when we were first married, in August of 1981, there was a sharp economic downturn, nationwide, and I lost my job, along with millions of others. Had I been single, “footloose, and fancy-free,” as they used to say, I could have drifted across the country looking for work, and probably I would have suffered little stress. I would have said, “The Lord is faithful! He will provide!” (And it was true!)

However, as a new husband, with a lovely young wife expecting our first child, I failed to think “The Lord is Faithful! He will supply!” I felt that it was my responsibility to care for my wife and child and to earn the money for their upkeep. And I was failing to trust the Lord.

I was not “cheerfully waiting on the Lord, while actively seeking work.” I was actively seeking work, and obsessing over where I could earn money for our groceries and housing. My first waking thought. every morning, and my last waking thought, every night, was “What can I do to earn some money?!”

My Focus Had Changed!

I was not resting in Christ at all! Now, was that Ann’s fault? Of course, not! I had allowed my focus to become redirected to my own strength instead of God’s supply. That was my fault, no one else’s! But the context was that of a newlywed couple in a harsh economy. I was distracted by the rigors of unemployment and my unrelenting responsibility.

Keep in mind that God has assigned that responsibility! He does hold me accountable for how I care for my family! But He also says, “Come unto Me all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest!” He says, “Be anxious for nothing, but, by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known unto God; and the Peace of God, which passes all understanding, will keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

And I was totally missing the mark by ignoring those promises. I had no peace because I was not willing to trust God for the needs of my family. I chose to think that my responsibility somehow negated God’s promises.

Don’t Allow Marriage Or The World To Alter Your Relationship With Christ

Verses 29-31 tell us that married or unmarried, in joy or tragedy, in business or in pleasure of any kind, we are not to allow circumstances or relationships to interfere with our walk with God. This is one reason he later says to not be “unequally yoked” together with unbelievers.

But verses 32-35 tell us that the whole issue is about being distracted and weighed down by our cares. Paul says God desires that we be able to avoid unnecessary distractions.

He admits that there may come a time when, despite the circumstances, marriage is a wise choice, to avoid other issues; A man may begin to behave inappropriately toward a young woman to whom he is attracted. That may be a “red flag” that he probably should marry her, rather than continuing to court disaster.

What About a Widow?

Paul says a widow is “freed” from her husband. He says she is free to remarry, provided the new man is also a believer. But Paul concludes that his personal opinion is that she will be happier in the long run if she can learn to live cheerfully without a husband.

Why? Because she has been “set free” from what may or may not have been a profitable relationship, and she may find, given a little time, that she feels happier and freer alone. This is certainly true if the alternative is to marry someone who will not treat her as Christ treats the Church (See Ephesians 5:26.)

So…Is This “Just Paul’s Opinion?” Or Is It God’s Word?

Some teachers insist that passages such as this (along with 1^st Corinthians 7:10-12) are “not authoritative.” They teach that “this was just Paul’s opinion.”

I choose to believe when God said, “All scripture is given by inspiration of God…” (2^nd Timothy 3:16, 17) that He meant “ALL!”

It is just fine for God to give “Law” in some areas, “Guidance” in other areas, and “Full freedom of choice” in others.

But if there are portions of the scripture that are truly not His Word, then I am in trouble, as it means I will have to either declare myself to be the arbiter of what “is or is not His inspired Word, or I will have to find someone else who claims to have that wisdom. (I know I do not possess inerrant wisdom. My experience and God’s Word both tell me that other humans are not reliable, either.) Ultimately, I am forced to make a choice: Believe God, or believe someone else!

I choose to believe what God says. It is God’s Word!

He tells us what the issues were in Corinth, and why “sometimes” marriage may not be a safe bet. But sexual sin is always wrong! So, he has given us a set of choices and tells us that, while it is not a sin to marry, a Godly Single Life might be a better plan in some cases. Paul outlined the “Pros and Cons,” but he leaves the choice up to us.

God Leaves Us With Choices, Too!

Throughout the scriptures, God gave commands, some to specific people, some to all believers. But He also taught principles for living: He gave solid, wise counsel by which we can make good choices, and have better lives for having made those good choices. Finally, He gave each person a choice: You can heed His counsel or ignore it.

He offers Salvation to all: Eternal life, based on the simple choice of Believing His Promise or rejecting it. You can either believe Him or not.

To all who have chosen to believe His promise, and who have received His gift of eternal life, He still offers a choice: walk with Him in obedience; or fail to do so. To those who choose to serve Him, He adds reward to their redemption. All those who follow His advice invariably find it to be wise and good.

He has told us the consequences of our bad choices. God warned us from the very beginning that Sin results in death. He allowed Adam to make a choice that affected the entire human race.

Your choices will not be as earthshaking as Adam’s choice was. But your choices will have consequences, for good or evil. And He leaves those choices to you!

Lord Jesus, help us to learn from Your Word: Help us to make Godly choices, so as to honor You with our lives and thus to have Your Blessing.

May 4, 2024May 4, 2024

Given From the Creation: The Principles of a Godly Marriage

Principles of a Godly Marriage, As Given From the Creation:

1^st Corinthians 7:1-6; Hebrews 13:4; 1^st Peter 3:1-7; Colossians 3:18, 19; Ephesians 5:21-33

1^st Corinthians 7:1-6

¹ Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.

²Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.

³Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.

⁴The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.

⁵Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.

⁶But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment.

Introduction

We have seen several “uncomfortable” passages in sequence. Here, again, is a doctrine that we seldom discuss in church. It touches upon marital relations, and usually, in our culture, we do not even discuss such things…at least not in public. As a teacher,, my problem is that, regardless of how I may feel about it, this is God’s Word. If I am to teach it faithfully, I cannot just focus on the comfortable parts.

Further, this is a pretty important part of a believer’s understanding. It should not be avoided, even if it is uncomfortable to hear. There are numerous parallel passages that we will also examine, and hopefully get past any discomfort.

Evidently the Corinthian believers had written to Paul. They had asked his advice about “abstinence from sexual relations.” Someone was suggesting that total celibacy was a way to achieve godliness. Paul’s initial response then, was, “…concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.” But, he immediately qualified that response. He pointed out that for most people, marriage is a genuine necessity in life, and then specifies why.

**What Does God Say?**

There are (or have been) ascetic cults that teach total celibacy as a way of life. Predictably, they usually die out within a few generations. The American Shakers, for example, (led by Mother Ann Lee, who saw herself as “the second coming of Christ,” and as a “combination of male and female”) taught total celibacy as a cardinal doctrine. But that group continued to attract adherents for a while, due to their productive, generous lifestyle, and their creativity. Unfortunately, they also continued to teach total celibacy, and they frowned upon childbearing. By the year 2000, one Shaker community remained in the United States. It consisted of ten people. That is a pretty sad story.

Celibacy outside of marriage is a good thing: But celibacy as a general rule is definitely not from God. It is unnatural, and it is counterproductive. God says so.

From the Creation, Marriage is the Gift of God

In Genesis 2:18-25, God declared that it was not good that the Man should be alone. God created a suitable partner for the man, in the form of Woman. God created her to be a part of man and yet a separate being. Adam said, “She is bone of my bone, and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”

And in Genesis 2:24, God said “For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.”

This was the plan from the beginning. Take note: God ordained the marriage relationship before sin entered the world. Before there was corruption or evil of any kind on this earth, God gave the pure and undefiled gift of the marriage relationship.

The Gift Has Not Changed

In Romans 11:29, Paul says that the gifts and the calling of God are without repentance…without revocation. HE is not changing, and He confirms that His gift has not changed, in Hebrews 13:4… “Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled, but whoremongers and adulterers, God will judge.” Notice that He also states the limitation: He restricted this relationship to marriage.

Further, the command in Genesis 1:28, also given to the human race before their fall into sin, was that they should “…Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.”

So, we can see, for certain, that procreation was the plan of God. There are ascetic religious groups, still today, which (though they do not go quite as far as the Shakers did) attempt to teach that marriage relations should be restricted to being only for the purpose of childbearing …that wives and husbands are not to enjoy the physical marital relationship.

Here in 1^st Corinthians 7, God makes it clear that such teaching is destructive. It denies the believer something that God gave as a gift, before we fell into sin. And because each of us normally has a desire for that relationship, any attempt to wrongfully deny it can result in people seeking to satisfy that desire in wrong ways.

Avoiding Sexual Immorality

” Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.”

Notice that this applies to both men and women. I have occasionally heard someone suggest that because God only said, “It is not good for the man to be alone,” it must not apply to women. In the first place, the only time He said that was in the specific case where there was only one human…a man…in existence! God did not say “It is not good for a man (any man) to be alone,” but THE man…Adam.

It was not good, that of all the creation, humans were not yet capable of procreation. All the rest had been made “male and female.” God completed the creation of the human race by producing the female…the woman. In Genesis 1:27, it says, “So God created Man in His own image: in the image of God created He him; Male and Female created He them.” They are equally in the image of God. Genesis 2 simply gives us more detail about how He went about it.

But the desire for one another was built into both of them. The rule laid out in 1^st Corinthians 7 is for both men and women.

The Marriage Covenant

Some of the marriage covenant that we recognize in our weddings is the part about mutually caring for one another, and mutually cherishing one another: But another part is the exclusivity of that relationship. We agree before God that we are to restrict ourselves to this relationship with one another, only: “…forsaking all others, as long as we both shall live.”

Within that covenant relationship, however, we are not just “permitted” to enjoy the physical relationship, we are commanded to “not defraud one another” of that enjoyment. We are to seek to please one another, as part of that relationship…not just please ourselves.

Mutual Care

As husband and wife, we have mutually given ourselves to one another. Paul puts it this way, in verses 3 and 4: ³Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. ⁴The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.

The word translated “benevolence” here, is the Greek word “eunoia.” It is only used twice in the New Testament. It literally means “good mind,” but it carries the connotation of “pleasure.” The only other place it is used is in Ephesians 6:7, where it says, “With good will doing service, as to the Lord and not to men.”

But if we read both of those passages translated with the same English word, “pleasure,” then the Ephesians passage would say, “With pleasure, doing service, as to the Lord and not to men.” While the verse we are now reading would say “Let the husband give the pleasure he owes to the wife, and the wife to her husband.” I am not attempting to “re-translate the word”…I am only pointing out that the Greek word has a meaning, and that the two places it is used should have similar meanings. And clearly, they do.

The word translated as “power,” here, is the Greek word “exousia.” It means “authority.” My wife has authority regarding my body: it is no longer “just mine.” The reverse is true as well. This in no way suggests that either of us is free to abuse the other, in any fashion. We are a team, devoted to loving and supporting each other, and meeting one another’s needs..

Remember the “Mirror”

In James 1:23-25, we see God’s Word likened unto a mirror. James tells us to “not respond to the mirror of God’s Word as most men respond to a physical mirror.” Most men look into a mirror and walk away, giving it no more thought. We literally “forget what we just saw.”

We are to look into the “Perfect Law of Liberty” and see who we are from God’s perspective and change what needs to be changed. Notice that the mirror is to examine your own reflection, not to check out what other folks need to do.

Sisters, You concentrate on what God is telling YOU to do: Don’t use this teaching to criticize and demoralize your husbands. You are in his “corner” supporting him.

Brothers, use this teaching to see what YOU need to do, to walk obediently, loving and honoring your wife. This is not to “give you ammunition” with which to criticize her. You are in her “corner,” supporting her.

Remember who is identified as the “Accuser of the Brethren.” Don’t start doing his “dirty work,” by accusing one another.

Parallel Teaching Regarding the Church

God demonstrates that the Husband-Wife relationship is given as a physical figure, a “picture.” or an “object lesson” of the relationship between Christ and the Church.

Jesus is never abusive or dismissive toward His bride, the Church. He is our sustainer and defender and our only confidant and our closest friend. He is our guide and teacher, as well. Must a husband be all of those to his wife? That would be great, but it is not always the case. What IS always required? God commands a husband to love his wife, as Christ Loves the church.

1^st Peter 3:1-7

In similar manner, a wife is to treat her husband with full respect. He, in turn, is to treat her with tenderness and respect as well, as a fellow heir of the grace of life. A husband is to recognize that there will be times each month when his wife’s body essentially “drugs her” so that she is not going to “feel good,” or she may be cranky, for a few days. He is not to judge her for that. nor to respond in anger, but to “dwell with her according to knowledge.” He is to honor her as the weaker vessel in that regard.

This is not an indicator that “men are smarter,” or that “men are more spiritually alert,” or even that “men are always physically stronger.” They usually are, yes, but if a man suffers an injury or sickness that renders him helplessly weak, physically, this does not change the dynamic God has set up. And if he fails to treat his wife the way Jesus treats the church, then God says his prayers may be hindered. God takes the marriage relationship very seriously. This is an uncomfortable passage, but keep in mind that it is God talking.

Another Warning

Proverbs 14:1 warns the wife that if she behaves wisely, she builds up her household. But if she does not, then she is doing the reverse: she is pulling it down with her own hands. A woman has a unique privilege and gift of making a house a home. But part of that “homemaking” is found in the relationships between the family members. If the wife or mother is strengthening those relationships, through wise interaction, then she builds up her household. But if she is foolishly stirring up strife, then she is tearing it down. We may not want to think about it, but God says it.

In every aspect of the marriage relationship, God commands us to be mutually sharing His Agapé love with one another. That includes mutually fulfilling one another in the physical relationship.

If both the husband and wife mutually agree to “take a break” for a short time, specifically to devote themselves to prayer, that is fine. But he says it is to be a defined length of time and short: they are not to take a chance on their hearts beginning to stray. And finally, he says that they have permission to make such a decision: there is no command to do so.

A marriage relationship that is flourishing under God’s hand, as a joyous partnership between God, a man, and a woman, is a wonderful picture of Christ and the Church: But squabbling, bitterness, or infidelity will ruin that picture and make it a mockery of the true gift of God.

Lord Jesus, we ask that You purify our hearts and minds and allow us to focus on blessing our marriages through full obedience to Your Word, in full submission to Your Spirit.