Tag: Love for one another

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How to Understand the Importance of the Agapé Love

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What is the Agapé Love?

© 2026 by C. O. Bishop

1st Corinthians 13:4-8

Introduction:

We hear a lot about the Love of God, and sometimes we hear scholarly-sounding teaching on the different kinds of “love” in the Bible. Some of that teaching is appropriate, just to eliminate confusion regarding what the Lord commands concerning Love.

What Was Jesus’s New Commandment?

In John 13:34, 35, Jesus said, “34 A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. 35 By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.”

Reading that passage, probably most people would assume that the word for “love” in Jesus’s command meant that we ought to have strong feelings of affection for one another. (And, it could mean that!) But this is one of the places where we truly need to understand the difference between at least the two most commonly used forms of “love” in the New Testament.

If we recall the conversation between Jesus and Peter, in John 21:15-17, we may recall only that three times Jesus asked Peter, “Do you love me?” And all three times, Peter answered, “Yes!” But the third time, Peter grieved at the question, and protested “Lord, You know all things! You know that I love you!” And, all three times, Jesus said, “Then feed my sheep! Tend to my lambs!” What a strange conversation!

Except that, when we look that up in our handy Greek interlinear (Which I need, because I do not pretend to speak or read Greek, beyond bits and pieces) we find that the first two times, Jesus used the verb “agapao,” to ask, “Do you love me?” And Peter responded using the verb “phileo.” But the third time, Jesus switched verbs and used the same verb as Peter used. Peter grieved because the third time, Jesus used the phileo verb…not because Jesus asked three times. So, there must be a significant difference.

What IS the Difference?

They gave me a “textbook answer” in school, but I wondered what difference native Greek speakers make between the two words. So, I asked a co-worker, a native Greek speaker. He replied in his thick accent, “Ah…phileo means, ‘I love you! You are my brother! I love you!’” And then, with great intensity, he said, “But agapao means, ‘I give you my heart! I give you my soul! I LOVE you!’” He was not some scholar, giving me a clinical, sterile answer. He was not even a believer. He just gave the answer from his heart, as a Greek-speaker!

Therefore, reading the exchange between Jesus and Peter, using those two definitions, it sounds like this:

Jesus asked, “Are you fully committed to Me, Peter, or just to this catch of fish?” Peter replied, “Well, I have great affection for You, Lord—You are like a brother to me! I love You!” Jesus said, “Then feed My lambs!”

Jesus tried again, “Peter, are you fully devoted to ME?” Peter replied, “Yes, Lord! You know I have great affection for You!” Jesus replied, “Then feed My sheep!”

The third time, Jesus asked, “Peter, do you even like me? Do you even care?” Peter was grieved because, the third time, Jesus asked “Do you even have affection for me?” He replied, You know all things, You know that I have affection for you!” And Jesus still reiterated, “Then feed My sheep!”

So, we can at least see that agapao (verb form of agapé) is NOT the same as philéo. Peter knew the difference. Jesus knows the difference, and it is well for us to know the difference! Jesus’s New Commandment was specifically that we have agapé love for one another! Not just affection.

So, How is that Done? What does that “Look like?”

Keep in mind that agapé love has nothing to do with feelings. As we read the description of the agapé love, in 1st Corinthians 13:4-8, we notice that there is no reference to feelings, at all. Every single descriptor is an action word. They all describe how agapé love behaves or does not behave.

So, let’s explore each of the descriptors and see how they might find application in our lives.

1st Corinthians 13:4-8

4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, 5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; 6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; 7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. 8 Charity never faileth: 

Please notice that because the Greek language has about five different words for love, three of which are used in scripture, the translators authorized by King James attempted to set apart the agapé love by using the word “charity” to translate it. The “problem” for us is that the word “charity” has changed over the years, and now it virtually only means “giving to the poor.”

In a way, that makes sense, as the meaning of “agapao” means the “pouring out of yourself for the benefit of someone else, without regard for how it affects you.” Jesus demonstrated that Love at the Cross: He poured Himself out for us, not allowing His own feelings or comfort to interfere with His sacrifice for us.

So, What DO we see in 1st Corinthians 13:4-8 as the Descriptors for Agapé love?

  1. Agapé Love is patient (longsuffering.)
  2. Agapé Love is kind.
  3. Agapé Love is not envious.
  4. Agapé Love is not given to arrogance, boasting or pride.
  5. Agapé Love is not“puffed up”…not filled with self-importance.
  6. Agapé Love is not given to inappropriate behavior of any kind.
  7. Agapé Love is not focused on self, or the needs of self.
  8. Agapé Love is not easily stirred to anger.
  9. Agapé Love is not given to assuming bad motives in others, nor keeping a “score.”
  10. Agapé Love is not pleased with evil things, no matter to whom they happen.
  11. Agapé Love is happy when truth is honored, even if it is not to its own benefit.
  12. Agapé Love is able to bear up under every load, and withstand every trial.
  13. Agapé Love is able to hope, despite circumstances, for God’s blessing in all things.
  14. Agapé Love is able to outlast any trial, enduring it as part of love.
  15. Agapé Love is eternal, and it has eternal value.

Interestingly, verse eight points out that some of the things we may think are eternal are not! The gifts of the Holy Spirit are not eternal. They are for this life only. There will come a time when we no longer need those gifts. But Agapé Love is eternal and will not cease to function. Choosing to love in this way is always an act of the will…not a response to feelings. It is not based on emotions, but rather, it is a voluntary choice.

What Other Things do we Know About Agapé Love?

Romans 13:10 says “Love worketh no ill to his neighbor: therefore Love is the fulfilling of the Law.”  Jesus confirmed this, in Mark 12:30-33, saying that the twin commands “thou shalt Love the Lord thy God with all thy heart and all thy soul and all thy mind and all thy strength,”  and “thou shalt Love thy neighbor as thyself” were the “core value” of all of God’s commands. That, if you fulfill those two commands, you have fulfilled all the rest!

Galatians 5:13 says we are not to use our “Christian Liberty” as an opportunity for self-serving, (serving our flesh; our old sin nature,) but rather, by agapé love, God calls us to serve one another. (Love Serves!) Jesus said (Mark 10:45) that “the Son of Man came not to be served, but to serve and to give His life a ransom for many,” (Love Gives! Love serves, and Love gives!)

1st Peter 4:8 exhorts us, “And above all things have fervent charity [agapé love] among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins.”

Cover sins? “Cover…” how? Agapé Love motivates us to “throw a veil over” the faults of others. God expects us to forgive others, in the same way that He has forgiven us.

So, How Has God Forgiven us?

Psalm 103:12 says that He has removed our sins from us as far as the East is from the West. That is a powerful statement! I appreciate that particular comparison because it is unlimited. I can only fly so far North before I will suddenly be flying South! And the reverse is also true. But! I can fly East for the rest of my life, and I will never suddenly find myself flying West! And the same is true in the other direction. It is an unlimited separation.

Furthermore, (in Psalm 103:14) God says that “He knows our frame, that we are dust….” He understands our frailties and He accepts us as we are. (Will you be that considerate toward those around you? Will you accept them as they are, and choose to tolerate their idiosyncrasies? Will you tolerate their irritating mannerisms, and their flawed logic?) The word “forbearance” means to lovingly “put up with” one another.

Imputed Righteousness

Romans 4:7, 8, quoting King David, says “Blessed is the man whose sins are forgiven, and whose sins are covered. Blessed is the man to whom the Lord will not impute sin.”

God the Father sees you in Christ…and only in Christ. He sees you as perfect, clean, and holy, in Christ!  The Lord chooses to no longer see you as a guilty sinner. Can you choose to see other believers in that same light? That is what agapé love requires.

If you are loving others with the Agapé love, then you are not so likely to hold their faults against them. In your own mind, you will set aside those faults and you will overlook their shortcomings, and not take into account the wrongs you have suffered. Why? Because their soul is more precious to you than your own comfort. Their well-being is more important to you than “standing on your own rights.”

What are the Results?

The result of agapé love ruling your life will be a more consistent tranquility, as well as a deep concern for the welfare of other believers. You will find that you are no longer likely to be offended by others. You will genuinely care about what they care about, and look for opportunities to be a blessing to others without calling attention to yourself in the process.

Relationships will deepen, as others sense that you genuinely care for them, not just superficially, or “just when it looks good.”

Priorities  begin to change as you begin to see others through God’s eyes. Your focus will shift away from self, and you will increasingly find yourself asking God to show you His way to respond to life, and His path for you to follow. Your church-family will become increasingly precious to you, as you learn to see the brothers and sisters through God’s eyes.

The reality of whether we love God is revealed by whether we treat the brethren with His Love. 1st John 4:20 poses the question, “…he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God, whom he hath not seen?” So, if someone claims to love God, but their actions show that they do not love other believers, then God says they are lying about loving God. That sounds harsh to us. But it is in the same verse we just read: It is the first half of that same verse. “If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar…” The reality is, we are fooling ourselves…deceiving ourselves.

Changed Lives

And, in 1st Thessalonians 4:11, 12, he says another result is that we will be more likely to tend to our own business, and to live quiet lives. We will also be productive, looking for ways to maintain a clear conscience and good relationships with others, particularly unbelievers.

We will strive to earn an income through honest work, and use that income in a way to honor God, and not be dependent upon others, for testimony’s sake. These are good principles for today as well: today, there are various programs which may tempt us to milk “free money from the government,” not admitting that it ultimately comes from our fellow taxpayers. We don’t want to have a reputation for being “freeloaders,” of any kind.

Galatians 6:4, 5 agrees, saying “But let every man prove his own work, and then shall he have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another. For every man shall bear his own burden.”

But if another brother or sister is under a crushing load that they cannot bear, we exercise the love of Christ and ease their burden. (Galatians 6:2)

Agapé love is practical. And it looks for the opportunity to bless others in practical ways.

Jesus showed the ultimate example of Agapé Love when He bore our sins at the Cross. He met our need, without respect to what it cost Him.  We can either follow His example or fail to do so.

Lord Jesus, please teach us the incredible importance of allowing Your Love to flow through us to the world around us. Let us see other people as You see them, and Love as You love.

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How should we live (Part 4)

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How should we live (Part 4:)

© 2021 C. O. Bishop

1st Peter 3:8-14; Colossians 3:13-17, 18-23; Ephesians 4:1-3

Introduction

We have been studying through the book of 1st Peter. We read through a passage explaining “how we were to live, because of our position in Christ.” One of the issues mentioned was our marriage relationship, but the concepts extend into all other relationships. The key relationship for all believers is our relationship with Christ, which is reflected in all other relationships.

The relationship which most closely pictures our relationship with Him is the marriage relationship, so it receives some fairly specific attention. But we are told that how we treat others—how we relate to others—will determine how the World sees Jesus. This is the central message of John 13:35, which says “By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.” This was the first commandment given by Jesus, after Judas left: Only believers— the eleven remaining disciples—were there to hear the New Commandment. Only believers can do this, and even they can only do so by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Last week, we read 1st Peter 3:5-7, which is specific to marriage, but now Peter returns to the main theme: how we are to live as believers, because of our new position in Christ.

1st Peter 3:8-14

8 Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous: 9 Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing. 10 For he that will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips that they speak no guile: 11 Let him eschew evil, and do good; let him seek peace, and ensue it. 12 For the eyes of the Lord are over the righteous, and his ears are open unto their prayers: but the face of the Lord is against them that do evil. 13 And who is he that will harm you, if ye be followers of that which is good? 14 But and if ye suffer for righteousness’ sake, happy are ye, and be not afraid of their terror, neither be troubled:


Before we move on to the rest of the teaching regarding how we are to behave in general, we have one more place to read about marriage. Over in Colossians, Paul treated this topic in a similar manner, “sandwiching” the marriage relationship between all the other behavioral instruction. Two short sentences, to sum up all that is included in that precious relationship.

Colossians 3:13-17, 18-23

13 Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. 14 And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness. 15 And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful. 16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. 17 And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him.

18 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.

20 Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord: for ye serve the Lord Christ. 21 Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

22 Servants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh; not with eyeservice, as menpleasers; but in singleness of heart, fearing God;

23 And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;

All the other relationships are important, of course, but the marriage relationship is the only one given before sin entered into the world, and it is the only one which was specifically designed by God to let us see the Relationship between Christ and the Church.

General Commands Still Apply

All the rest of the “behavior pattern” commands apply even more stringently to the marriage relationship. Marriage is supposed to be the most secure and permanent relationship outside of parent-child relations that can exist. So violating that relationship, whether by abuse or deceit, or unfaithfulness is even more repugnant to God than doing the same things in other relationships.

So let’s look at what he says as far as general commands in relationships, in Colossians 3:13-17:

  • Forbearing one another (putting up with and accepting each other as we are.)
  • Forgiving one another (accepting the loss and the cost of forgiveness…without either reparations or recriminations.)
  • Love one another (“Charity” is the KJV word for Agape love.)
  • Live at Peace with one another…let the Peace of God “Rule” (umpire) in your hearts.
  • Be thankful. You do have a lot for which to be thankful! Think on it!
  • Let the Word of Christ Dwell in you richly in all Wisdom:
    • Teaching one another and admonishing one another, (how?)
      • In psalms and hymns and spiritual songs
      • Singing with Grace in your hearts to the Lord
  • Do all in the Name of (under the authority and auspices of) the Lord Jesus,
  • Giving Thanks to God and the Father by Him.

How do these commands correlate with the commands back in in 1st Peter 3:8-14?

  • Be ye all of one mind (maintain unity).
  • Have compassion toward one another. Care about others: and do something about it.
  • “Love as Brethren” (this is the “phileo” love, given as a command. This means being genuinely friendly: preferring one another’s company as brothers and sisters.
  • Be empathetic (“pitiful”: having pity for others.) Weep with those who weep!
  • Be courteous: polite…we do not have license to be less than courteous “because we are family”—quite the opposite: Courtesy is part of brotherly love.
  • No “payback”—no revenge: instead, provide blessing in place of payback.
    • Jesus said “…do good to them that hate you…” (Matthew 5:44)
    • We are called to bless, so that we can inherit blessing.

Application

So, how can we apply all the above information? It is easy to see that there is such a thing as a Biblical pattern, a standard we are to use. It is also easy to see that we are to apply the standard to ourselves, not to others: Not to other married couples, not even to our own husband or wife. The “mirror” is pointed at you! At me! Don’t use it to look at others!

We are to accept one another as we are: if there is definite sin involved, we are given specific instructions as to how to deal with that, but the fact is, most of what irritates us in other people is just that: Irritation. It is not thereby “sin” that needs to be “confessed and renounced and have guilt thickly spread over the poor wretch who dared to offend us.”

Notice that in Colossians 3:19, it says, “Husbands love your wives and be not bitter against them.” And, there are no qualifiers added…no “ifs, ands or buts.” Furthermore, over in Ephesians 4:31, 32, it says: “31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and evil speaking, be put away from you with all malice: 32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake, hath forgiven you.”

(Don’t you just love that word “All?” It really covers a lot of territory, and eliminates a lot of “loopholes.”) Notice that the passage in Ephesians is to all believers: not just husbands and wives. So this thing in Colossians, about “bitterness” (hard-hearted grudges and bad feelings) applies to everyone, not just husbands.

And, over in Proverbs 31, when it describes the “perfect wife,” what if we were to apply that passage to the Church, the Bride of Christ? Remember, God designed marriage to show the relationship between Christ and the Church!

Proverbs 31:10-31 lists a number of features, but the key idea is in verses 11 and 12: “The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.” Then it goes on to describe her industrious character, her kindness toward others, her hospitality, her wisdom in speech and behavior: How she cares for her household, especially her husband and children. The bottom line is that his reputation, his belongings and his children are safe in her care: He can confidently back her in everything she says or does, because she always acts in his best interest, and in such a way as to honor him.

Of course that is a great standard for a wife to consider, but, if we are collectively the “Bride of Christ”, shouldn’t we all, every one of us, apply those truths to our own lives? Consider:

  • In what way am I “honoring the Lord in everything I say and do?”
    • In what way do I enhance His reputation by my behavior?
  • Can Jesus really count on me to faithfully treat others as He would treat them?
    • Providing for those He has entrusted to my care, putting their needs ahead of mine?
    • Speaking kindly to (and about) others in every circumstance?
  • Do I open my mouth in Wisdom? (Or keep it shut, when that is the best response?)
  • Do I provide the Gospel to those around me? (See 1st Corinthians 15:34, 1st Peter 3:15)
  • Am I being “about my Father’s business” as He was?

In the end, we saw that the “virtuous wife” was rewarded, and honored. We are the Bride of Christ, and, collectively, we will be rewarded and honored. But as individuals, we need to ask, “Will my present actions, thoughts and attitudes be deserving of reward? Will the Lord say, ‘Well done, thou good and faithful Servant’ regarding what I am doing right now?” And if the answer is “no!” then we need to confess it as sin and go do what He has commanded us to do.

Now: is all that just about marriage? Of course it isn’t!

But what better place to practice the life He has called us to live, than in our own homes? If it is real there, then it will spill out into other relationships as well, affecting our children and our extended families, as well as all others around us.

Peter moves on to talk about how we are to fit into society at large, in the rest of this passage: he says, 10For he that will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips that they speak no guile: 11 Let him eschew evil, and do good; let him seek peace, and ensue it. 12 For the eyes of the Lord are over the righteous, and his ears are open unto their prayers: but the face of the Lord is against them that do evil. 13 And who is he that will harm you, if ye be followers of that which is good? 14 But and if ye suffer for righteousness’ sake, happy are ye, and be not afraid of their terror, neither be troubled:

In effect, then, he says:

  • Watch your mouth! Don’t be a source of evil talk or falsehood!
  • Stay out of trouble! Stay away from bad situations. Look for ways to do good!
  • Make Peace! Look for ways to build peaceful relations, and follow that way.

He says the Lord is always watching, and His ears are attentive to our prayers, but that he will resist any who are doing evil. The Lord is a perfect supervisor: He sees everything and He understands everything, including our motives and intentions. He never wavers in his righteous response, though sometimes it seems to take a long time, from human perspective. (If you are wondering how to explain the apparent ease in which the wicked people of this World live, and how they seem to “get away with it,” I would invite you to read Psalm 37 and Psalm 73. Between the two of those psalms, I hope you can get God’s perspective on that matter.)

Is it possible that we may suffer for doing right? Absolutely! It is possible! In some places in the world it is not only “possible” but highly probable! And He says we are blessed if that occurs!

What are Our Choices?

When we look at any of God’s commands to us, ultimately we always find only two choices:

  1. Obey, striving to do exactly and completely as He commanded us, or,
  2. Not. If I choose to “partially obey,” I am choosing to disobey. If I choose to do something that somehow “parallels” what He says, but is different, I am still choosing to disobey.

I heard about an entertainer, a singer, who was faced with an inebriated customer demanding that he sing a certain popular song. He wasn’t going to sing that song, for a variety of reasons, but he also didn’t want to cause a public quarrel, so he assured the customer that while he couldn’t sing that particular song, the very next song would have a lot of the same notes! The customer was drunk enough to not understand that virtually all songs have “a lot of the same notes,” so he sat back down and the singer simply pressed on as planned.

When we try to do something other than what God asked, even though it may even be something “intrinsically good,” remember that He is not some drunken fool in a bar, who is unable to see that we are flat-out not doing what He commanded. He knows! And, the truth is, we also know that we are not doing what He said to do.

It comes down to a daily, moment by moment “multiple-choice test,” with only two choices for each problem:

  1. Will I submit my will to that of God and do what He asks me to do, or
  2. Will I not.

Those are the choices.

You can choose, moment by moment, how to respond to God; how to respond to your husband or wife, how to respond to your children, your coworkers, your employers, your neighbors, or even that “bozo who just cut you off in traffic.” (Or you can make excuses: that is a choice, too!)

Every single step is a choice. That is why we call it “walking:” We just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other, and constantly looking to the Lord for direction, both from His written Word, and from His Holy Spirit.

Is it easy? No! In fact, apart from the Holy Spirit living in us, it is impossible! In John 15:5, Jesus said, “Apart from Me ye can do nothing!” Now, if anyone else said such a thing, it would be incredible arrogance: but when the Lord Jesus said it, it was simply the truth.

So what do we do?

We can’t walk on water. Peter was commanded to walk on water, because he dared to ask Jesus to command him to do so. But what did Peter have to do about it?

  1. He had to keep his eyes on Jesus!
  2. He had to get out of the boat!
  3. He had to put one foot in front of the other, regardless of circumstances.

He started out OK, but he soon forgot #1…he failed to keep his eyes on Jesus! That is where we all most frequently fail, I think. But, I still have to “get out of the boat!” I confess that I simply cannot live the Christian life, but I am commanded to live it! So, I have to “get out of my comfort zone:” look to God to find out what I am to do today, even if it is utterly mundane or really uncomfortable, and then go for it!

Look to Jesus, pray for strength and guidance, and step out! Start putting one foot in front of the other. I’m told that, if we keep putting one foot in front of the other, pretty soon we’ll notice that we are actually “walking!” That is what walking is!

Lord Jesus, teach us to walk with you as your disciples, doing exactly what you command. We know that we fail you constantly, and we depend upon your grace and forgiveness. Please teach us true obedience, and lead us day by day in your service.

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